A Month Gone

by grafixworks

It’s been a month since I was thrust into this new life, the life of an unemployed professional. I shouldn’t complain. I’m one of the lucky ones. I live in a nice house, have plenty to eat and my husband loves and supports me. Why then do I feel so … restless?

I have a laundry list as long as my arm with things to do over an above job-hunting, yet I can’t seem to get started. I’ve even entertained giving up this blog. How many times can I write, I went on line and applied to job posts, not exactly riveting stuff.

My first week and a half seemed to go by productively. I had a couple meetings, an interview, and a handful of inquiries but I think I may have hit a dry patch. It’s rather apropos considering the country is in a drought too.

This Sunday when I called my mother, and after she told me about her week, she asked me her usual question, “What did you do this week?” I’ve always answer the same way, nothing, and then add, “Ich erleib nichts.” (I experience nothing) I’ve used that line for more than 10 years to deflect her enquiries and she has seldom pressed. Who would have thought those 3 little words would become so prophetic.

I spend my days putzing around, doing nothing and doing everything. In the quiet of my days, I listen to sounds that are unique to my home. Even now, I hear the dog vocalizing in her sleep. She’s probably chasing that elusive rabbit, or some squirrel that tormented her from a tree, I hear the rhythmic whirling of the dishwasher, and the gentle whisper of the ceiling fan above me. A peaceful environment for self-reflection and reflect I do. Good thing I know how to be alone. Those months in a guard tower in the Arizona desert were excellent training for this experience.

I believe I can understand how people who are laid off slide into a funk. Each day I must be vigilant and not go down that path of self-doubt and questioning myself. It takes a lot of energy and each morning I remind myself that I need to rededicate to the journey and that tomorrow is another day.