Self Reflection

ImageYears ago when I was in school, my English teacher assigned our class an exercise, write a 250 word essay reflecting on who we were and our lives. At the time I rolled my eyes and thought, “what a load of crap”. What does a teenager have to reflect on? I hadn’t lived enough to regret, and I’d lived too much to chronicle all the petty schoolyard slights. As I remember it, I wrote about my hopes and dreams. When you’re young it’s good to focus on hopes and dreams.

Fast forward to today, self-reflection is a more productive exercise. I recognize it’s an opportunity to look at where you’ve been and hopefully figure out where you’re going.  Which makes me ask, why is it that thoughts of self-reflection always seem to come to the conscious mind in the wee small hours of the morning? Lying in bed wide-awake studying the ceiling thinking, “Am I doing all I can”? “Is this the life I envisioned all those years ago?” 3:00AM is an odd time to have a crisis of direction. Hell at this stage of my life it’s a little late to be wondering if I took the right path.

In all honesty, I’ve been lucky.  Over the years opportunities have presented themselves and I consciously either availed myself of them or passed. Sometimes I chose wisely, sometimes not so much, but each time after reflection I felt I learned something. Now I find myself wondering do I still have that sight to see opportunity when it knocks?

Maybe, that’s where I need to start. Over. God knows I’ve started over numerous times.  I’m not talking starting totally over, just being more strategic. Keep what’s working and jettison what’s not.

The very first thing I need to do is stop judging myself. People tell me I’m a talented artist/designer. Wait, why do I need people to tell me this? I’ve been doing this for quite some time. I am a talented artist/designer!  Yes, it’s finally time to really believe that and move confidently forward with my design business.

I’m not some pawn others move around a chess board. It’s time for the queen to break out.