Performance Anxiety

by grafixworks

in·ter·view (noun), [ íntər vy ], meeting for asking questions

au·di·tion (noun), [ aw dísh’n ], test performance by candidate

These two simple words when used in context with a job search can strike fear even in the bravest and stoic of applicant. Yes, I had an interview/audition today. It was with a temp/contract agency. At first I was excited at getting a call. Then as I had more time to think about it, hesitation set in. However, being a woman of honor, I confirmed the appointment, and I was damn well going to keep the appointment, despite my nerves. If I were a superstitious person, I would say this was just not meant to be.

I gave myself 45 minutes more than I needed to get there. I figured I could sit in my car and kill time, if I got there early. As things turned out, I was 5 minutes late for the appointment. Some yahoo had flipped their car on the beltway and traffic was backed up for miles. My entire buffer, plus, was eaten up crawling in traffic.  When I finally arrived for the “interview”, I was given a fist full of paperwork to complete, and given a cursory introduction to an employee packet. Not like any interview I’ve ever been on.  I was then asked to do an “audition”, lay out three pages with text and art. I do this sort of thing all the time, and I’m ashamed to say, I choked. I only got about half way thru before time was up. I struggled with the machine, I struggled with the directions, but mostly I struggled with myself. I was so nervous my hands actually shook. When the time was up I was asked if I wanted more time but I declined. It wasn’t going to get any better. I was just to frustrated to go on. I thanked them for their time, and left with what little dignity I had. Bottom line, 5 hours of my life, including travel, and I choke. I’m so angry with myself. If this isn’t classic performance anxiety I don’t know what is.  I wonder how often actors have the same problem, just totally flub an entire audition. I seriously doubt they will be contacting me for any work.

After I finally got home from that humiliation, I didn’t have the heart to face that torture machine, aka elliptical. I think I’ll just lick my wounds, write an email of apology to the agency, and start new next week.