Monica Luchak

work, work, work, work …

Month: July, 2012

Over and Out

Well, that door is pretty much closed.

The place I went to for 9+ hours a day, 52 weeks a year, for 8 years is now in my rear view mirror. I’m looking out my windshield, hands on the steering wheel, ready to go. (God, I love metaphors.) Hope I don’t fog up the windows.

Let’s face it, knew this day was coming. When you give your notice one day you actually will have to leave, however, I had no idea it would get here so fast. This morning when I woke up I thought that maybe it had all just been a bad dream. The last 9 months never happened. Sort of like Dallas when they killed off Bobby and the next season he was in the shower. Don’t want that shower scene with my boss. Seriously Icky.

This the last day was as tough as I thought it would be. I was an emotional wreck. My kind and generous coworkers took me to lunch at the place across the street from the office. It felt a little strange. It almost felt like a wake. The conversation was forced. No one seemed to want to look at the 500 lb. gorilla in the room, namely me. When there was conversation it was superficial stuff. I’ve worked closely with most of these people for years and we all just didn’t seem to know what to say. I felt bad for them and my usual wry humor chose to failed me.

Not long after we returned from lunch I was escorted into the conference room where a good number of the staff were to give me a champagne toast and nice going away gift. Again awkward silence. My boss’s boss was standing as far away from me as physically possible. She may have actually been sitting on a counter backed up against the wall. This woman is never without words, but do you think she could muster up anything to say? We all stood in the room holding champagne glasses saying nothing. (There’s a painting in there, still life.) Once or twice there was a comment or nervous chuckle. You know the scene in Moonstruck where the entire family is sitting around the breakfast table waiting for Johnny Camarari to show up, you can feel the tension building and then the grandfathers says, “Somebody tell a joke.” It was just like that. Finally a VP said a few words before she excused herself.  Was everyone uncomfortable because the corpse was not really dead?  Not sure. In all fairness things did loosen up a little once the alcohol kicked in.

Tomorrow I start fresh and begin the search for that rarest of rare things, a job I can throw myself into.

Inaugural Post

Who would have thought? Me, blogging? I feel I have something to say, even if it’s just to the vacuum of the Internet. I can’t guarantee this will be regular but I make this inaugural post with all the good intentions someone starts a new endeavor.

Now, after the shock of my blogging wears off, people who know me may look closer at the “skin” I’ve chosen and wonder why it’s so blank and stark. It’s blank, because I feel blank, maybe even a little empty.

I’ve just spent the last 8 years at the same organization and tomorrow will be my last day. Since the age of 16, when I entered the work force, my identity has been wrapped up in what I do. Getting up and going to work gave me purpose and identity. Now I’ll need to find another purpose and reshape my identity.

Up front, I never planned for this to happen, quitting that is. I will admit that I had fantasized about it on the really bad days, but it never occurred to me that I would be forced to do it. Hell, I handled the stress of military service in the dark times of the military; I figured I could handle the petty intrigues and hostility of my boss. Ultimately, it turned out I didn’t have the stomach for it.  Even now when I think back on that day 3 weeks ago that pushed me to quit, I wonder, “was this her plan all along?” Depending who you talk to, I’m either really brave or incredibly stupid. As my mother has pointed out, people don’t just up and quit after 8 years, especially at my age.  Thanks Mom!

This blog is not meant to be a rant on fairness, because as everyone knows “life isn’t fair.” This blog is going to chronicle my journey in finding my new purpose, whether it’s a new job or to try and build a graphic design business. I’ll work to redefine my identity, so I see myself as more than my job.

As they say on the old time TV serials, “Stay Tuned for the next episode…”

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